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The lumberjack The lumberjack A LARGE, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little guy showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks' door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to scram. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man. "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down!" The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjack's door. "I cut the tree down," said the little man. The lumberjack couldn't believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack. The little man laughed and answered back... "Oh sure, that's what they call it now! #jokes, Humor, From: http://ping.fm/00MZg -- Bus load of politicians Bus load of politicians A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn. The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer told him he had buried them. The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?" The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie." #Humor From: http://ping.fm/KGNcz -- Posted By Shwana to Friend Ship at 9/18/2009 09:43:00 AM A Marriage Made In Heaven | Funny and JokeOne rainy Sunday afternoon, a young couple were on their way to their Church to get married. On the way there, their car lost control and slammed into a telephone pole – killing them both instantly.
Saint Peter In Heaven JokeThe couple soon found themselves standing in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, welcoming them to Heaven. The young woman asks Peter if they could get married in Heaven, since their time on Earth was cut short. He replies that he’ll get back with them on that request. A month later, St. Peter finds them and announces that they can – in fact – get married in Heaven. To his surprise, the woman asks “Just wondering, if things don’t work out will we be able to get a divorce?” 50 Cent Pays Tribute To Michael Jackson In New Songs50 Cent Pays Tribute To Michael Jackson In New Songs 'Rest in peace to Michael Jackson,' Fif says in one of two dropped Friday morning. By Shaheem Reid
50 Cent is the first artist to pay tribute to Michael Jackson in song since the King of Pop died Thursday. Fif released the first two records from his mixtape Forever King on Friday (June 26) morning. The first, "Respect It or Check It N---a," is vintage hard-core 50. He talks about coming up in the streets as a youngster and how he has evolved, and adds at the end, "Rest in peace to Michael Jackson ... You n---as need me, man. I might have to start moonwalking. A couple of dance moves and sh--, might be some sh-- called 'Billie Jean Is My Lover.' I'm back, n---a!" The second song is called "Where You Are," and it takes directly from Jackson's historic catalog. The G-Unit General raps over the 1972 track "I Wanna Be Where You Are." "They say I ain't lyrical, they say I ain't a miracle. I say some hard sh--, so they say I ain't spiritual," the self-proclaimed King of Rap rhymes. "They act like they know God better than me/ I know 'God Allah,' he used to pump crack up the streets." 50 goes on to vent about those in the 'hood doubting him because of his over-the-top financial status. The Southside, Queens, native then gives way to the King of Pop, and we hear Jackson's timeless vocals. "Can it be I stayed away too long?/ Did I leave your mind when I was gone?/ It's not my thing trying to get back/ But this time let me tell you where I'm at/ You don't have to worry 'cause I'm coming/ Back to where I should have always stayed/ And now I've heard the maybe to your story/ And it's enough love for me to stay." Don't miss "A Celebration of Michael Jackson on MTV," airing at 6 p.m. ET/PT on MTV. Share your Michael Jackson memories by uploading video and comments to Your.MTV.com or joining the discussion below. Related Videos Related ArtistsAstrological After-sex CommentsAstrological After-sex CommentsAries: "Okay, let's do it again!" <<<<<YUMM YUMM On the menuOn the menuA guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: How many babies?How many babies?Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and proudly announced to the first man, "Congratulations, sir. You're the father of twins!" Scotsman at a baseball gameScotsman at a baseball gameA Scottish tourist attended his first baseball game in the US and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring "Run....Run!" 50 CENT - 50 CENT NOT WON OVER BY WEST'S NE...50 CENT - 50 CENT NOT WON OVER BY WEST'S NEW LP50 CENT is unconvinced by fellow superstar KANYE WEST's change of musical direction - hinting the STRONGER star should stick to rapping instead of singing on his new album. West sings throughout forthcoming LP 808s + Heartbreak with the help of Auto-Tune - leaving the majority of the rapping to guest stars Young Jeezy and Lil Wayne. But former rap rival 50 Cent is not won over by the T-Pain produced project - although he concedes the idea is "interesting". He tells MTV.com, "I heard, like, seven songs. There's a place for it. I think people will enjoy it if you're actually in love or going through something. I think Kanye's going through an interesting point in his career. "I don't think the public will forgive (West) for it, but it's interesting. I think it's T-Pain's record, but I'd rather buy it from T-Pain Link: http://ping.fm/a004i Related articles by Zemanta -- Posted By Shwana to MyShwana BigBrotherfiddy 50cent at 11/19/2008 09:48:00 PM -- Thanks, Now Smile http://myshwana.blogspot.com/ http://shwana.myplaxo.com/ 50 CENT - 50 LANDS LOAN SHARK ROLE OPPOSITE...Rapper 50 CENT has signed up to play a loan shark, opposite BRENDA BLETHYN, in a hard-hitting new British gangster movie. 11/19/2008 10:06:56 PM Also see: 50 Cent - Brenda Blethyn Related articles by Zemanta -- Posted By Shwana to MyShwana BigBrotherfiddy 50cent at 11/19/2008 09:57:00 PM -- Thanks, Now Smile http://myshwana.blogspot.com/ http://shwana.myplaxo.com/ Set it freeSet it free If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your living room, eats your food, messes up your stuff, takes, your money, and never behaves as if you set it free in the first place, then you either married or gave birth to it. Link: http://ping.fm/0zFZI -- Posted By Shwana to Friend Ship at 10/13/2008 08:00:00 AM -- Thanks, Now Smile http://myshwana.blogspot.com/ http://shwana.myplaxo.com/ It's a good thingIt's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there. Hunters would be all confused. -- Posted By Shwana to Friend Ship at 9/24/2008 04:41:00 PM Andre 3000 Sued for Allegedly Stealing "Class of 3000" Andre 3000 Sued for Allegedly Stealing "Class of 3000"
Andre "3000" Benjamin is the subject of a lawsuit claiming that the Outkast MC stole ideas for his now-canceled Cartoon Network series "Class of 3000" from a Boston postal worker/former art student named Timothy McGee, according to BostonHerald.com blog Inside Track [via Rolling Stone's Rock and Roll Daily]. Posted by Dave Maher on Wed, Dec 10, 2008 at 3:00pm
Related articles by Zemanta -- Posted By Shwana to MyShwana at 12/20/2008 07:36:00 AM 'Use Your Cents to Make Change' - 50 Cent: ...Related articles by Zemanta ![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img2.zemanta.com/a7a852d3-09de-4b27-b717-06ce009d7fb6/reblog_e.png) -- Posted By Shwana to MyShwana BigBrotherfiddy 50cent at 12/19/2008 07:21:00 PM -- Thanks, Now Smile http://myshwana.blogspot.com/ http://shwana.myplaxo.com/ IDIOTS AT WORKIDIOTS AT WORK I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched. Link:http://ping.fm/KDnW9 -- Posted By Shwana to Friend Ship at 10/06/2008 06:41:00 PM Words women useWords women use FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. FIVE MINUTES If she is getting dressed; this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. NOTHING This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine." GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing." THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome... Source:http://ping.fm/1shCt -- Posted By Shwana to Friend Ship at 10/13/2008 07:56:00 AM -- Thanks, Now Smile http://myshwana.blogspot.com/ http://shwana.myplaxo.com/ MarriageMarriage is an institution. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind. lol Amen -- Posted By Shwana to Friend Ship at 11/05/2008 06:22:00 PM -- Thanks, Now Smile http://myshwana.blogspot.com/ http://shwana.myplaxo.com/ 50 Cent: The Money and the Power | Ep. 104 ...-- Thanks, Now Smile http://myshwana.blogspot.com/ http://shwana.myplaxo.com/ Girlfriend 1.0 (LMAO) GEEKYGirlfriend 1.0 I'm currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I've been having some problems lately. I've been running the same version of DrinkingBuddies 1.0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I've tried have always conflicted with it. I hear that DrinkingBuddies won't crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off. But I'm embarrassed to say I can't find the switch to turn the sound off. I just run them separately, and it works okay. Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1.0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2.0. After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with GirlFriend 2.0. He said I probably didn't have enough cache to run GirlFriend 2.0, and eventually it would require a Token Ring to run properly. He was right - as soon as I purged my cache, it uninstalled itself. Shortly after that, I installed GirlFriend 3.0 beta. All the bugs were supposed to be gone, but the first time I used it, it gave me a virus anyway. I had to clean out my whole system and shutdown for a while. I very cautiously upgraded to GirlFriend 4.0. This time I used a SCSI probe first and also installed a virus protection program. It worked okay for a while until I discovered that GirlFriend 1.0 was still in my system. I tried running GirlFriend 1.0 again with GirlFriend 4.0 still installed, but GirlFriend 4.0 has a feature I didn't know about that automatically senses the presence of any other version of GirlFriend and communicates with it in some way, which results in the immediate removal of both versions.The version I have now works pretty well, but there are still some problems. Like all versions of GirlFriend, it is in some obscure language that I can't understand, much less reprogram. Frankly I think there is too much attention paid to the look and feel rather than the desired functionality. Also, to get the best connections with your hardware, you usually have to use gold-plated contacts. And I've never liked how GirlFriend was totally "object-oriented." A year ago, a friend of mine upgraded his version of GirlFriend to GirlFriendPlus 1.0, which is a Terminate and Stay Resident version of GirlFriend. He discovered that GirlFriendPlus 1.0 expires within a year if you don't upgrade to Fiancee 1.0.So he did, but soon after that, he had to upgrade to Wife 1.0, which he describes as a huge resource hog. It has taken up all his space, so he can't load anything else. One of the primary reasons he decided to go with Wife 1.0 was because it came bundled with FreeSexPlus.Well, it turns out the resource allocation module of Wife 1.0 sometimes prohibits access to FreeSexPlus, particularly the new Plug-Ins he wanted to try. On top of that, Wife 1.0 must be running on a well warmed-up system before he can do anything. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1.0 came with MotherInLaw, which has an automatic pop-up feature he can't turn off. I told him to try installing Mistress 1.0, but he said he heard if you try to run it without first uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0 won't install anyway because of insufficient resources. Link: http://ping.fm/YE4Cq -- Posted By Shwana to Friend Ship at 9/25/2008 04:52:00 PM Escaped Prisoner (LMAO)Escaped Prisoner A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you.", to which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too." Link: http://ping.fm/O6gp0 -- Posted By Shwana to Friend Ship at 9/24/2008 04:50:00 PM -- Thanks, Now Smile http://myshwana.blogspot.com/ http://shwana.myplaxo.com/ 50 CENT, P. DIDDY, JAY-Z, KANYE WEST - I Ge...50 CENT, P. DIDDY, JAY-Z, KANYE WEST - I Get Money MUSIC VID - PTBTVEXCLUSIVE / RARE / OFFICIAL remix for 50 Cent's smash single, "I Get Money." Starring 50 Cent aka Curtis Jackson, P. Diddy aka Sean Combs aka Sean John, Jay-Z aka Sean Carter, and Kayne West aka Mr. Graduate. Rapper Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson tips his G-Unit-branded hat to Forbes on the remix of his latest single, "I Get Money." Dubbed the "Forbes 1, 2, 3 Remix" and the "Billion Dollar Remix," the song, which features cameos by fellow hip-hop kingpins Jay-Z and Sean "Diddy" Combs, is a boast over the trio's top billing on Forbes' recent list of the top earners in rap music. "A lot of money on this record!" 50 Cent crows on the track, released Monday evening, which is based on the third single from his latest studio album, Curtis. It is the first collaboration among the three rap moguls, who each kick off their stanzas by gloating, "I run New York!" Jay-Z holds the top spot on Forbes' Hip-Hop Cash Kings list with 2006 earnings of $34 million, trailed by "Fiddy" (as 50 Cent is known to fans) with $32 million. Diddy nabbed the No. 3 spot with total earnings of $28 million. (See: " Hip-Hop Cash Kings") True enough to the "Billion Dollar Remix" title, the trio—all native New Yorkers—boast sprawling Manhattan-based media empires with more than $1 billion in total gross sales of related merchandise. Shawn "Jay-Z" Carter is the chief executive of Def Jam Recordings, a unit of Universal Music. He also owns the 40/40 clubhouse franchise, as well as a small stake in the New Jersey Nets. (Need we mention Beyonce?) In addition to topping Forbes' Hip-Hop Cash Kings list, Jay-Z also debuted at No. 9 this year on Forbes' Celebrity 100 list of the most powerful entertainers, edging out industry heavyweights like Steve Spielberg and David Letterman. Combs lords over Bad Boy Worldwide Entertainment, whose business interests include the Warner-backed Bad Boy Records, Sean John clothing label, a best-selling men's cologne and a string of programs for MTV. In an e-mail to Forbes about the single, Diddy wrote, "We appreciate the opportunity to trail blaze at Forbes.com, proving we're not only the TOP earning entertainers but the TOP entertainment thinkers to come up with something as innovative as this." Since the release of his 2003 debut album Get Rich or Die Tryin', 50 Cent has amassed a sizable fortune through his G-Unit entertainment portfolio, which includes a record label, clothing line, Reebok sneaker line, ring tones, video games and even a recent line of "urban fiction" published by a division of Time Warner (nyse: TWX - news - people ). (He spent his first royalty check buying copyrights to the G-Unit moniker.) In 2006, 50 Cent appeared on the cover of Forbes Magazine's Celebrity 100 issue. "This remix is more than a song, it's a celebration and collaboration of hip-hop's elite," 50 Cent said. This summer, rumors in the blogosphere suggested 50 Cent rival Kanye West might appear in the remix. Not so. 50 Cent has been embroiled in a well-publicized sales scuffle with Kanye West, whose latest album Graduation dropped on Sept. 11, the same day as Curtis. 50 Cent famously told reporters that if West outsold him, he'd retire from his solo rap career. (He later qualified the statement by betting West would suffer a massive drop off after first-week sales.) Though an official tally won't be available before Wednesday, early reports have West besting 50 Cent by at least 100,000 copies. But in the duel over who makes more money, 50 handily trumps West, who pocketed an estimated $17 million last year, roughly half of 50's income. West will have to sell millions of copies of his latest album, plus embark on a mega-successful worldwide stadium tour a la the Rolling Stones, to match 50's estimated earnings by year's end, even discounting his recent album. In May, Coca Cola (nyse: KO - news - people ) announced it would pay $4.1 billion to buy Vitamin Water, the bottled water company in which 50 Cent owns a stake. Fiddy's estimated take from that sale, after taxes: $100 million. Copyright to G-Unit Records / Interscope / 50 Cent / Forbes and respective owners of art / text / music. For more information, please visit www.myspace.com/emceet or www.emceet.com. Peace & Bay Luv. -t aka emcee t -- Posted By Shwana to MyShwana BigBrotherfiddy 50cent at 11/27/2008 12:27:00 PM -- Thanks, Now Smile http://myshwana.blogspot.com/ http://shwana.myplaxo.com/ Fwd: [MyShwana BigBrotherfiddy 50cent] # Ep. 103 | Truth = MoneyFwd: [MyShwana BigBrotherfiddy 50cent] # Ep. 102 | S*** to SugarFwd: [MyShwana BigBrotherfiddy 50cent] # Ep. 101 | Choose Your Crew WiselyHip Hop Music Source 10/29/08
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